I will not perform any ceremony that involves:
Jumping out of perfectly good airplanes
Scuba/snorkling gear and water
Bungee cords (with or without a bridge)
Nudity (yours or mine ― way too much giggling!)
Snake handling (Eeeeeeeeewwwww!)
- Hot air balloons
Sorry… no officiant fee is high enough to
entice me to do those. Try it. Make an offer. I won't take it....
Here are a few more:
When I pronounce the Declaration of Marriage, I will never
use the phrase "man and wife." I pronounce a couple, "husband
and wife." If you think I'm arguing semantics, say the following
sentence out loud. "I now pronounce you husband and woman." Sounds
pretty silly, doesn't it? Besides, while I am legally able to
transform an adult male groom into a husband, I have neither
the authority nor the ability to change him into a man. By the
time he's up standing in front of me, he should be one already.
I have a very hard time asking the bride's escort, "Who
gives this woman in marriage?" People are not property,
and women are not something that can be bought, sold, given away,
or returned. Instead, I prefer to ask the bride's escort, "Who
presents this woman to be married this day?" or "Who
brings this woman to her wedding this day?" If you absolutely
insist, I'll do it the old-fashioned way -- after all, it's your
wedding -- but I'd really rather not.
I also cannot in good conscience exhort a wife to
obey her husband as part of the vows, either. With over 31 combined
years of marriage under my belt, I think I can say with some
authority that anyone expecting obedience has an outdated and
unrealistic view of marriage. The relationship between a husband
and wife should be one between equals, not one of subjugation.
On a more serious note, I also will not perform any weddings
where one or both of the parties is below the age of 21 and has
had to obtain parental approval to secure a marriage license.
Although such a marriage would be perfectly legal, I am personally
uncomfortable performing a ceremony unless both parties have
achieved full majority status under the law.
Oh, and one other… I do reserve the right to refuse to
perform any ceremony, if I see fit. That decision is mine, and
Other than the above,
I’m pretty open
to creative ideas. Let’s
talk about what you have in mind!